I asked myself why letting go is so difficult when I already know how hopeless it is to hang on to
a dead dream. What I became aware of was that at least I had a dead dream that felt safe even
though it was impossible. And if I let go of my impossible dream, I would have absolutely
nothing. So I hung on tight because a dead dream was all I thought would ever have. I had my
suffering which had become my private respite; even though I suffered more every time it
would slam up against reality. At that point I had to isolate more because other people didn’t
understand my perverse relationship to keep my suffering delusion alive. They just wanted me
to get on with my life. They clearly didn’t get it.
I couldn’t let go until I realized and called myself out on my game. This game is what makes
letting go impossible. In order to let go of my addiction to suffering, I had to trust, with no
proof, that letting go would open me to something better. I trusted because I thought anything
would be better than the suffering I had sentenced myself to.
I assure you that letting-go has been well worth the risk. It has left me with a peaceful heart. I
just had to believe there was an up-side to all the pain I was in. I’m so grateful that I took the
risk. Slow and steady wins the race. Now, my grief is only a scar.
Please share how you relate to the addiction to suffering…